Friday, August 26, 2016

More Than Friends

Dear Kerby,

Several years ago when I first was writing letters I shared my coming out story and how open I was when I felt free to be me. At that time in my life a lot of things were about being open about my sexuality. I wrote several letters taking about sexuality. Things have changed since that time on my own in college.

After dating a few guys and having an ex I found a man that I do not want to give up. The good things I love about him outweigh all the not so good that comes with him. I have been seeing him since 2013 and continue to see him on a somewhat regular basis. Things have changed over the years. This relationship is a difficult thing between us. He never gives up on me; some days I would like to give up on him (I come close) but never do. He is always on my mind through the good and the bad.

This summer I started another job and that means new people in my life (on a regular basis). My coworkers have some interesting conversations about the opposite sex and relationships. I feel like I am back in high school. A coworker asked me earlier this week if I had a girlfriend. I told her I did not have one. Then, they asked me when the last time I had a "girlfriend" and I told her it was the night of the 8th grade dance. I knew this girl for years and it seemed important to have a date to the dance but we hardly danced together. It felt awkward. Another coworker invited me to her birthday coming up in September. She asked about me bringing a girl. I never once mentioned my boyfriend. I do not know why.

Telling my coworkers I am gay is not one of those things that comes up when my (straight) coworkers talk about their significant other. Sometimes I find it a tad hard bring up in a conversation. By no means am I afraid of who I am. I feel it is no body's business but mine who I date. I have to live with my choices. If you see me with my boyfriend or find out about him somehow then that is fine. Feel free to talk to me about him if you want. I will not get upset. When I am with him we are not the couple to show public affection. The most you might see us do is holding hands. His hands are the best because they fit right inside mine. You might just think he is a friend. I might have to correct you on that, if I feel like it.

In a few weeks time my current job will be gone and I will be around a new group of people. I am not sure what to say to them. I might feel the same way as I do now because who I am inside is not rapidly changing even though my life on the outside is.

Talk to you later,